The Lost One

A few weeks ago my pastor asked me to write a devotional on the parable of the prodigal son (or lost son). To be honest it's been years since I really sat down and read this parable, but I've always identified with it so deeply. Not just because of its implications about Christ welcoming us with open arms, but because, sadly, I can identify with the son in his actions.

I think that people often mistake this parable as portraying the father's love and forgiveness after his son comes back in repentance and regret, but I just don't see it that way. Nowhere in the parable does it say anything about the son's repentance. He comes to his father out of complete desperation and lack of all other options. It paints so beautiful a picture for me of Christ's love. I so often have come to His feet out of desperation, not repentance, and He welcomes me with open arms and compassion.

And so on this quiet Saturday morning, let's take a few minutes to look a little closer at this parable, shall we?

But while he was still far off, the father saw him and was filled with compassion (Luke 15:20)

As we enter the parable in Luke 15: 11, we see that a man had two sons and divided his property equally between them. The younger son took all that his father had given him, moved far away, and “squandered his wealth in wild living” (Luke 15:13 NIV). If you’ve ever had teenagers you might be able to identify with the father at this point. Basically, the son takes the money his father has given him and does whatever he wants. Likely making some very destructive choices.

Once the son had spent all he had, he found himself broke and lonely. He got a job feeding pigs, envying the slop they were eating because he was so hungry. He’s really hit rock bottom at this point. So he decided it was time to go home. He rehearsed a speech to give to his father when he returned, hoping that his dad would at least give him something to eat. The bible then tells us that “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15:19). Oh what a scene this must have been! Here comes the son, trudging along, not so much repentant as he is desperate. From a distance his father sees him coming, and without even a thought, he runs to meet him, hugs him, and welcomes him home like he was never gone!

This is the love we have in our heavenly father. While we are still far off doing our own thing, living our lives our way, at times unrepentant, He is ready to welcome us back with open arms, ready to forgive us no matter what we’ve done. In an article by biblical scholar and my dad, Peter Enns, he writes: “The story isn’t about conversion to Christianity. It’s about God being on the look out for those in the family who have wandered off, and God simply can’t wait to welcome them home.”

What if God’s love really is greater than anything that we could ever do? What if He really truly loves us despite all of the baggage that we as humans carry? How would that change the way we see our heavenly father? The way we see ourselves?

Our God is a God of unconditional love and grace. One who welcomes us with open arms no matter how far we’ve strayed from Him. He is greater than all of our sins and His love can reach us no matter how far we have wandered. 

Reflection Questions

What is an area of your life where you have trouble believing God’s unconditional love for you? A past mistake? A current addiction?

In what ways has God shown you that He loves you and will always welcome you back with open arms?

When you feel as though you are far from Christ’s reach, what is something that could help remind you that nothing you can do can separate you from His love?

Winter Blues

Winter is over...Almost.

As winter comes to a close and spring peaks it's sunshiny head around the corner, I can't help but wonder why I put so much weight on my hatred for winter. I mean I know why...It's cold, and depressing, and long. But can a season really hold so much power over my attitude?

I look at pictures like this one and all I can think about is how much I love sun and summer and warmth. How could I not?!

Even Max loves summer!

Anyway enough about me. I though it was appropriate as we are nearing the end of winter, for us to stop and really take a look at the beauty in this season. And instead of writing this myself, I found someone who could do it much better than I could. You can find the devotional here: http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/daniel-

darling/finding-joy-in-winter.html

There is so much beauty in winter, just as there is also beauty in life's suffering. But never fear dear friends, summer is just around the corner!

Revelation7:13-17

 "Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes--who are they, and where did they come from?"

 I answered, "Sir, you know." And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

 Therefore, "they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. 

 Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. 

 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

intentional breaks

Usually words flow from me with such ease. I ache to let them out. Sometimes I can barely get to my computer fast enough to type out what I'm thinking. 

Not recently. 

If there's one thing that I know about myself it's that I have the ability to take something I love and turn it into an obligation very easily. As soon as I feel that happening I know that I need to just take a step back and let it come back to me. This has been an important part of my running journey as well. As soon as it stops being enjoyable to me for whatever reason, I just need to take a break.

 Am I okay with not always "loving" the things that I love? I am. Because I have learned over the years that even the things you love can become things you despise when you make it an obligation. It's that part of me that takes things way to far. That part of me that decided to eat less in high school and was suddenly eating nothing. That part of me that starts running and can't bring myself to stop. That part of me that takes out the hammer when I just don't feel "good enough".

So nowadays I check myself when I start to take things to far. Writing is my release, my peace, my passion. But when it's not, that is okay too. I want to allow myself the flexibility to be what I need to be in each moment. 

So, I will be back! Maybe tomorrow, maybe not. But the creative juices will flow once more!

Thanks for all the love and support friends!

P.S. this is where I would love to be right now!

God "gets it"

Day 21.

I struggle with the idea of suffering. I struggle with watching others suffer. I struggle with the truth that God is in it and all around it and in control. I struggle with the reality that life can be beautiful and painful and just as it should be all at once.

I have a tendency to want to fix things. I see pain around me and I want to do everything I can to take that from others so that they wont suffer. I think I get that from my dad. I remember that when I was a little girl I used to have vividly horrific dreams. I would wake up screaming and my dad would come running in, sit by my bedside and put both his hands over my forehead. He would wince dramatically like it was taking all his energy to remove my bad dreams and then he would put them in his own forehead. After he left I would sleep soundly, certain that my daddy was holding all my bad dreams now and that he would never let them come after me again.

Now here I am, a 24 year old woman, desperately wanting to take all the bad things from others and not being able to. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot save anyone. I have no power to do so and no right to.

God and I have had some intense conversations recently. I watch my sweet Joanna suffer deeply and I challenge His good and perfect plan. It makes no sense to me. I guess those are the key words: to me. It is beyond my capacity to understand how my God could allow so much to come upon anyone.

When I watch her day in and day out, pushing through trial after trial, trusting in our Savior through scans, and appointments, and so much medication, and fatigue beyond what I can imagine, I challenge Him. I can picture how he sees me: sweatpants, messy bun, standing in my living room screaming up at Him to make it better. I can only assume that He smiles at my childishness, brushes my hair out of my eyes, sits down beside me. "You must trust me", He would say, "My plan for Joanna's life is bigger than you can imagine. Be still my sweet one, for I am holding her every so tightly."

As I write this I am crying over my computer keys. My God is in control. If that is how He tenderly speaks to me about my friend I cannot even imagine how He is with her. How He wipes away her tears, and carries her through all her appointments, and rocks her to sleep at night, and soothes the hearts of the family she so strongly cares for.

I know that He expects our resistance. He understands our feelings. He was human after all. It gives me great peace to know that this God we serve "gets it" and walks with us through all of our kicking and screaming, our angry words, our messy tears, our "I give up" moments. Oh he most definitely "gets it".

And so we may never understand His plan, or the paths that take us there. But we can trust in His goodness because at times that is all we have.

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

-Philippians 4:7-

"Broken Together"

Day 20.

Today's blog post brought to you by Casting Crowns and their song Broken Together. It's a beautiful song about what marriage is in the light of our humanness. I heard it for the first time today and as soon as the chorus hit it seeped straight into my soul. It's one of those raw emotion songs.

The chorus was a beautiful reminder to me of the importance of vulnerable, honest, brokenness in relation with another person. To me, this song did not just speak of marriage, but of all relationships. No matter who you are or what stage of life you are in, there's nothing like bringing forth our own brokenness that binds us so closely with others.

What do you think about when you look at me
I know we're not the fairytale you dreamed we'd be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we've drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night

It's going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds

Maybe you and I we're never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together

How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
I'm praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won't give up the fight

Here's the video link for all you visual learners:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhxELo-uD3c

Running with purpose

Day 19.

I love to run...usually.

There's something about running that feels so freeing. I am so connected to my mind and my body. My feet hit the pavement in a hypnotic rhythm and I relish the moment when I push off the ground propelling myself further. You see, I love to be in control, and this fulfills that for me.

I am currently training for a few half marathons I am doing this year and as much as I love working towards something, I feel less in control when I "have" to run a certain mileage each day. I can't just go run for however long I want to, I have to follow the training schedule I have set up.

Yesterday I was running on the treadmill (thanks winter), and I started to get really bored. The aerobics class that I had been watching for the first 4 miles had ended and so now I was looking at an empty room in front of me. It crossed my mind a few times to just stop and do something else or find Eric and go home and eat some leftover ice cream cake (I ended up doing that later anyway).

 I have a strategy for these moments. I once read in one of my running books that when you run or workout in any way, you should wear something small on your person that encourages you to keep going when you don't want to. What inspires me when I'm running you ask?

Here it is: HOPE

This bracelet is from my friend Joanna, who is battling beating cancer right now. She's a runner like me, craves it, loves it. But she's not running right now. But I can. And so I will run for us both. Not because I feel sorry for her, but because she inspires me not to take anything for granted. She encourages me every moment of every day to treat life as a gift, no matter what it brings us. 

And so I run for her and I run for me and let me tell you, when you are running for someone you love, you could run 100 or more miles and never give up.