http://www.alighthouse.com/godslove.htm
I think I may have written a
similar post a while back, but I feel that it is so applicable to my life and
the lives of the people I interact with closely, that I just have to share my
thoughts on it once again.
I believe in Jesus Christ. I
believe that He should be my hope and my life and my portion.
But He isn’t.
23 years later and I am still
running my own life (or trying to anyway). Yes, I experiences beautiful moments of fully relying on
God’s grace and love, but I would be lying if I told you that is my all day, everyday.
As I go through my days, I feel
captive to that all to familiar feeling of “not-enough-ness”. That feeling of
doing and doing and doing and still feeling like you are never measuring
up. The feeling that nothing is quite enough.
No relationship, no job, no act of service, no amount of weight loss, no
talent.
My Jesus may have saved me from
this, but I in my sinfulness cling to to control of my own life.
I am reminded of this verse: Romans
7:15
“I do not understand what I do. For
what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Can I get an AMEN?!!!!
This SOOOOO describes my life. I am
desperate for Jesus. Desperate for his peace in every moment; Desperate to be
more like him. And yet often go running in the opposite direction. I fall short…
Romans 3:23
“For all have sinned and fallen
short of the glory of God.”
Such a blessing to be reminded of
this right smack in the middle of God’s word!
Now back to the hard
part…ACCEPTANCE. You’d think it would be easy for us to accept this kind of
Truth. This is our freedom! Why can’t we grasp it?
I came to the realization the other
day that usually I don’t serve others out of joy in the Lord, I serve out of
feeling obligated and out of “not-enough-ness”. Now don’t get me wrong, I often
find joy in serving, regardless of my initial selfish intentions (praise Jesus
for that), but I don’t want to operate out of that feeling. I want to operate
out of His grace and His peace and His love.
Sometimes the hardest part is not
knowing how to let go. I am so used to operating on my own, so used to earning
love in this fallen world that I cannot even grasp the kind of love that asks
for nothing in return.
I want to drink in that voice that
says:
“You are mine.
I created every part of you for a purpose.
Every second I am right beside you.
I will never leave you.
Nothing you do shocks me.
Nothing you do even disappoints me.
My love is perfect.
It is forever.
It is unbreakable.
I love you sweet child of mine.”
