Day 14

Day 14. Out of the Woods.

I never knew how privileged I was until the privileges I'd grown accustomed to had been taken away.

When it was time for bed, camp leader Pocahontas came to get me from my corner of the campsite. She told me to grab my sleeping bag and follow her. She took me to the leaders camp area and told me to take off my boots and tie the laces together. I had no energy left to question her. She threw the boots on a pile with the rest of the girls' footwear and unrolled my sleeping bag next to what I guessed was her own. I got inside, trying hard to create an ailment that would get me out of the woods. I thought maybe some kind of intense headache might do the trick.

I started out slowly, complaining of head pain. Pocahontas didn't seemed concerned, but wrapped me burrito style in a tarp leaving an edge on either side of me. She got into a sleeping bag on one side and another leader, the skinniest man I've ever seen, got into a sleeping bag on the other side. I was trapped. WHAT KIND OF PLACE WAS THIS?

I screamed into the night, moaning and groaning in agony, complaining of a massive headache. But they didn't take my bait. I was shocked. I started to realize that these people meant business. There was no way out, I would have to just suck it up and deal until they let me go home.

As the days went on I settled in a little bit. We hiked every day all day, the 60 pound pack I was carrying on my 110 pound frame left my body aching and my hips bruised and swollen. Our bathroom was a hole we dug with a tiny spade called a U-Dig-It. If we couldn't make a fire as a group, we ate our dinners cold. When we made fires we did it with something called a bow drill. It looks like this:

Every week we would get a new rotation of camp leaders. So every other week we would get the same ones we had 2 weeks prior. Our second rotation consisted of a sweet southern belle named Megan, who I liked instantly. Then there was another girl with flaming read hair and a matching fiery personality. Lastly there was a middle-aged hiking expert who pushed me farther than I ever thought I could go. He would sometimes wake us in the middle of the night to hike, taking us miles farther than any other leader.

One afternoon after we reached camp, one of my campmates and I went a ways from the camp to dig the latrine (poop hole). The ground was rocky and half-frozen with clay underneath. About a half an hour in, Megan came over to us with her guitar and offered to play for us as we worked. She strummed a few notes before I realized what the song was. It was the song Return to Pooh Corner by Kenny Loggins. The same song my dad had sang to me since I was a little girl, strumming on his guitar in the living room. In that moment, somehow, I knew everything would be okay. Little did I know then that this song would be my father daughter dance song 7 years later.

Sleeping in a tent, by yourself, with no shoes and wooded darkness between you and the next person teaches you a lot about real fear. I am still in awe of the fact that I ever slept in my time in the wilderness, but i did, quite soundly. I guess all that hiking wears you out. But I also found myself praying often in my tent, snuggling deep into my sleeping bag and crying out to my savior for peace and hope. He made me brave, I am sure of this.

 Lord I come, I confess Bowing here I find my rest Without You I fall apart You're the one that guides my heart Chorus: Lord, I need You, oh I need You Every hour I need You My one defense, my righteousness Oh God, how I need You

  Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more Where grace is found is where You are And where You are Lord I am free Holiness is Christ in me Yes where You are Lord I am free Holiness is Christ in me 

 So teach my song to rise to You When temptation comes my way And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You Jesus You're my hope and stay And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You Jesus You're my hope and stay

                                                             -Chris Tomlin "Lord I Need You"-

One night in particular I was seriously ill. Like coming out both ends, fetal position, no sleep all night sick. I had never been sick away from home before and was still in my "deathly afraid of throwing up phase". As I lay in my tent, all alone, no distractions, lyrics from an old song came to me without warning.

When I am afraid, I will trust in You, I will trust in You, I will trust in You. When I am afraid I will trust in You, in God who's word I pray. In God I trust, when I am afraid. In God I trust, in God who's word I pray.

It's a song from an old kids tape we used to listen to constantly. I can't even remember the name now, but it was such a life changing moment for me. I knew that God was speaking to me in a very personal way and that He was with me and I was not alone.

As the weeks went by, I started to notice a pattern with the other girls. None of them were going home. As they left, one by one, they all were headed to boarding schools. I listened to them talk about which schools they were going to and whether they were the "good" ones or the "bad" ones. I never dreamed that would be my future as well.

Eventually I got a letter from my parents telling me that I would not be coming home either, but going to boarding school in Arizona to continue treatment. But by that time the Holy Spirit had surrounded me in such a way that all I could do was praise God for a family that would do anything to see me get well. I knew that God had brought me this far and would see me through whatever was next.

And that my friends is only part of my story, the rest I will save for my future book! Thank you for embarking on this journey with me of sharing my story. What good is the pain we endure, and the mistakes we make if we don't use them to point others to Jesus?

All my love,

Lizz