i'm selfish and i know it

Selfishness is placing concern with oneself or one's own interests above the well-being or interests of others.

-Webster

I recently found myself in possession of a small puppy that a neighbor of mine found wandering in the street. He is the kind of puppy that is cute without even trying; but he is also the kind of puppy that poops everywhere, humps all the living room pillows, and doesn’t respond to “shut up” when he’s barking at 3am. He needs constant attention and when he doesn’t get it he bites or finds my favorite shoes and entertains himself. But oh the moments when he curls up on my lap with his little puppy head on my chest and watches Dawson’s Creek with me; they are too sweet to bear.

After I bawled my eyes out two nights ago about Max’s inhability to tell the difference between my carpet and the grass outside, I came to the realization that I generally don’t want to be bothered with things that upset my quaint little life. Max is a major upset in my life because he is forcing me to think about something other than myself basically all the time. Interestingly enough, I recently moved into the position of 2 year old teacher at the childcare center I work at and have found myself faced with the same challenge at work as I now have at home with Max. It cannot be all about me anymore.

I have never been a parent, but I imagine that being one would have a similar effect on someone. It is suddenly about someone else’s needs way more than your own. You may not have time to eat lunch or sleep through the night or get to relax on a Saturday anymore. So maybe I am learning this lesson a little bit earlier than some people, which must mean that I really need to get a handle on this particular area of my life.

*****IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT ME*****

And I mean that in many more ways than one. Not only is it not all about me because I am in charge of six 2-year-olds and a 2 month-old puppy, but it’s not all about me because I am one person in a big big world.

Usually when I buy coffee I scout out the cheapest brand that has a vanilla type flavor and leave it at that. I am not a coffee connoisseur, I just like to get through my day without losing my mind. Anyhow, the other day as I was picking up my coffee I noticed something. I felt guilty about buying the cheapest brand of coffee without any thought to the farmers who are paid next to nothing for all their hard work. I even began imagining their family of seven; kids in bare feet, very little food to eat, dirt floors, one room shack. Then it hit me; I am worried about spending a few extra bucks on fair trade coffee when there are people out there relying on those few extra bucks in order to live. I was a little bit ashamed of myself.

This is just one small example of my day-to-day selfishness. At times I am unaware of it, which is so much more dangerous than the times when I am able to realize it.  Selfishness is often seen as an evil quality, one that bad people have and not good people. But I disagree. We are selfish; it is a human quality. We just have to be willing to admit that and take whatever steps we need to take to be a little bit less selfish. For me that starts with buying fair trade coffee.

“It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.” 

Stephen Kendrick