being raw.

I like for people to see me as strong and confident, a blonde haired Eleanor Roosevelt. And while this may come as quite a shock to some of you, I don’t always feel that way. Sometimes I do and on those days I feel like I could take on the world, but more frequently are the days when I get up and have no idea what to wear, and no energy to smile at the people who won’t smile back. And I have decided that it’s time we all stop pretending that we have it all together.

For so many of us, the most precious parts of ourselves are buried deep beneath a façade. Every inch of us itches to express all the things that are so carefully hidden, locked away in the depths of our souls. We find ways to release those parts; maybe when we are drunk, or through an annual emotional breakdown, or binging until the wee hours of the morning. But what would it mean for us to welcome every sad, fearful, weird part of ourselves. What if it didn’t take an overdose, or a panic attack, or a suicidal thought to start listening to our hearts. Somewhere along the line we have forgotten how to be raw. We have forgotten how to deeply connect to each other, ourselves, our God. We have created this world where it is not okay to be completely human and thus have denied the deepest parts of ourselves in order to fit into it. 

This past January, almost the entire U.S. had the flu. Some had the achy, coughy, fevery flu and others had the nasty stomach flu. In both cases I kept coming across people who claimed they had “food poisoning” or “seasonal allergies”. So that got me wondering why it is sometimes so hard for us to admit when we are sick. Not only that, but there are so many things that are so hard for us to come to terms with; For instance, getting older. We spend so much time, energy, and money on creams and dyes and laser treatments to pretend that things aren’t sagging or wrinkling or falling out. And the truth is that I also don’t want anything to sag and I don’t want to admit that I am sick or weak. I am afraid of what people will think. 

That’s the underlying fear right? What will people think of me? Will I be rejected if I am a real, vulnerable person? Is there a place for me in this world if I don’t have abs, get the stomach virus, don’t whiten my teeth, and can’t afford highlights? 

And so i leave you with this. You don't have to create your place in this world, your deepest self perfectly fills the place that you were created for. So welcome that deepest self with open arms. After all, Jesus already has.